You have to be kidding me. Just the other day while traveling south on Rocky Ridge Road, I thought for a moment I was caught in the midst of a solar eclipse because all of the sudden my vehicle was blanketed by darkness. But this was no eclipse, my friends, the shadow that swallowed my car was cast by the monstrosity pictured below.

I know my vehicles, but I couldn’t figure out what the fuck this thing was. First I thought it was the front end of a tractor trailer, but there was no 5th wheel type hitch. So I figured it was some sort of military setup, but nope, it had no markings that would suggest so. So I figured it must be a new style fire truck since it was so massive and bright red, but no ladders, no hoses, nothing. So as I drove past this thing, I noticed a regular guy behind the wheel, his wife in the passenger seat, and a couple of kids in the back strapped to car seats. WTF?

Little did I know that this was a passenger vehicle. Let me tell you something right here, this thing (I’m not even sure what it is called) would dwarf a Hummer H2. I’m not even sure if it has a spare tire; instead, I think it has a Mini-Cooper tucked away underneath its bed.

What is going on people? Goodness. Why in the lord’s good name would anybody EVER want to drive around in this behemoth?

Please tell me it ain't so.