Yeah, yeah, I’m sure by now you’ve heard them all – “The C on the jersey stands for choke or crap”, “done in one”, “one and done”, “Kipper, it’s behind you!”, or the old school “Flames Suck!”

Well, no matter what people call it, the fact remains that the Flames did not make it past the first round yet again. So what gives? I was really hoping that they would beat Chicago (and San Jose would beat the Ducks) so that the Flames would face the Canucks in the second round. Clearly, the Nucks would beat Calgary and that would be a very, very, hard pill for Flames fans to swallow.

For your viewing pleasure, here are a collection of videos related to the Calgary Shames:

Seriously. It is even faster the lower it is to the ground. Did you know that stickers somehow also increase your car’s speed and improve its handling? Well, now you know. And if you want to make the people driving behind you very happy, make sure to slow down to roughly 5 km/h to cross [...]

If you have ever been to a Starbucks in downtown Calgary during regular business hours, you have likely overheard some well-dressed individual place an order as follows:

<Typing on BlackBerry paused long enough to rattle off> “I would like a quad ristretto iced venti whole milk organic 3 pump vanilla 2 pump cinnamon dolce with foam and whipped cream upside down stirred latte, at 190 degrees fahrenheit with a dusting of fairy magic, a few drops of morning dew from a spring meadow, and a kiss of sunshine.“

Umm… how can I say this politely… fuck off – you are a complete idiot.

There are basically 4 classes of people living in Calgary.
1. The very, very, rich
Okay, you have crazy, crazy, crazy cash, I’m talking in the order of tens of millions to billions. You likely live in some 15,000 square foot castle on some acreage, you own a few cars each worth $250K, and you have no [...]

So the City has already started charging $3/day to park at some Park and Ride lots and they expect to have the payment stations setup for all Park and Ride lots by the end of May 2009. Have you ever wondered what the City will do with the revenue generated from these Park, Pay, and [...]

Here is a very, very, huge fuck you to parents who put their baby in childcare before 12 months of age (I’ve heard stories of having a kid in daycare as early as 6 months). Rest assured you will regret this decision. There’s a reason the Government of Canada set maternity leave to 12 months. [...]

For you modest, dual income earning families that are just scraping by at or near the povery line to provide shelter, clothes, and food for your children, my heart goes out to you. But for you well-to-do dual income earning families living in an oversized home, with a german engineered sports sedan and luxury SUV [...]

Sometime last fall, my 8 month pregnant wife came downtown with our 24 month old on a surprise visit to go for lunch. Unfortunately, the building where I work is not equipped with a wheelchair access ramp, and as my wife started to try and get the stoller up the stairs, 5 or 6 suits [...]

Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve seen an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about shit-kicking an engineer. The word engineer is a swear word in many circles. But why? Is it because we are are logical, precise, and objective? If so, since when are those considered character flaws?

So what if we start most sentences with “In theory,…” or commonly use the phrases “within an order of magnitude” or “as a first approximation”? Or who cares that our calculators have more buttons than a standard QWERTY keyboard, but no button with an equals sign? Seriously, does it matter that the salespeople at Best Buy and Future Shop cannot answer our questions?