If you have ever been to a Starbucks in downtown Calgary during regular business hours, you have likely overheard some well-dressed individual place an order as follows:

<Typing on BlackBerry paused long enough to rattle off> “I would like a quad ristretto iced venti whole milk organic 3 pump vanilla 2 pump cinnamon dolce with foam and whipped cream upside down stirred latte, at 190 degrees fahrenheit with a dusting of fairy magic, a few drops of morning dew from a spring meadow, and a kiss of sunshine.“

Umm… how can I say this politely… fuck off – you are a complete idiot.

Please allow me to make one thing clear right off the bat – I live in Calgary and I like the city. It’s just that there are many things about living it Calgary that bother me deeply and drag this fair city down. Have you ever wondered how some people on the web define the word Calgary? Well, wonder no more, just read below:

Definition 1: “N. The best city in Alberta. Fuck Wait. The best mother fuckin city in Canada period.

Calgary beats the living shit out of butfuck Edmonton. The Saddledome is ill, olympic park is a beaty, you can see the rockies, the C train gets you from A to B and the Stamps are gonna do it one of these years. Plus the Calgary Stampede is dope.