You know exactly who you are. Seriously, pick it up a little. What’s worse is that most times you are dragging your feet shoulder-to-shoulder with your workmates making it very difficult to pass. All I ask is that you walk with a purpose.

For the fourth time in as many seasons, the Calgary Flames have been selected to represent the Canadian Choking Institute at the 2010 International Convention of Choking Associations.

“We are pleased to be back talking to the general public about the hazards of choking. In particular, to watch out for beers being thrown at us as our team leaves the ice under a chorus of boos. We are also very honoured that the CCI has chosen our logo for the new 3 universal signs for choking”, said Daryl Sutter, when asked about the event.

Alberta is the land of large pickup trucks. Well, perhaps you live on a farm and you need to haul stuff around or tow tractors out of a muddy ditch. Maybe you need the ruggedness of a truck of this stature to transport you to and from a wellsite up North with a wireline rig in tow. Or could it be that you are a contractor and your equipment needs to get around safely? No, probably not. It is more likely that you are simply a prick with a huge truck who drives around as though you are the master of the road you survey far, far beneath you. So if you drive a truck that even remotely resembles the one pictured below:

Moreover, it should never have been rendered digitally. The computer on which this bridge was designed should be broken. Now come on, good people, tell me this isn’t a $24M Chinese finger trap. But instead of trapping fingers, it might one day confine $24M of our hard-earned money. And for what? To afford us the convenience of not having to walk 2 blocks West to cross at the 10th Street bridge? To spare us from labouring a few blocks to the East to cross at the west-most bridge to Eau-Claire? This has got to be a joke.

You have to be kidding me. Just the other day while traveling south on Rocky Ridge Road, I thought for a moment we were experiencing a solar eclipse because
all of the sudden my vehicle was blanketed by darkness. But this was no eclipse, my friends, the shadow that swallowed my car was cast by the monstrosity pictured in this post. I know my vehicles, but I couldn’t figure out what the fuck this thing was. First I thought it was the front end of a semi trailer setup, but no 5th wheel type hitch. So I figured it was some sort of military setup, but nope, it had no markings that would suggest so.

Have you recently had your salary cut-back? Perhaps by 100%? Do you need to vent? Do you just want to talk about it? If so, here’s the place to do it. FYI, my salary was recently cut back, but thankfully wifey and I had some wiggle room in our budget to keep things moving.

Not having a BlackBerry now-a-days is tantamount to admitting you live in a cave and you carve out messages on stone tablets. But do you really need a BlackBerry (or other smart phone) to make it in today’s business world? Believe it or not, I had to negotiate carrying a company BlackBerry out of my current employment agreement.

You see, when I’m at work, I check my email on my desktop computer, talk to colleagues, go to meetings, and keep busy doing other work stuff – BlackBerry not required. But when I am in transit to or from work, I’d rather be sleeping, reading, or vegging out. At home, I’d rather spend time with wifey and the kids than be thinking about work, much less reading or writing emails to colleagues. It’s really that simple.

So you decided to sell your right-sized home in late 2007 and move into an oversized home in an estate area, right? Why? Because that was all the rage back then, I suppose.  But the problem is, you can’t sell your new place for anywhere near what you paid for it. Your mortgage is upside-down; [...]

Oh, the good old stereotypical Calgary mom. I know you’ve seen them. Perhaps you are married to one, or you might even be one. Here’s a quick test to see if you fit the stereotype:
1. Do you wear a lot of Lululemon stuff?
Because you never know when you’re gonna have to break out into [...]

Yeah, yeah, I’m sure by now you’ve heard them all – “The C on the jersey stands for choke or crap”, “done in one”, “one and done”, “Kipper, it’s behind you!”, or the old school “Flames Suck!”

Well, no matter what people call it, the fact remains that the Flames did not make it past the first round yet again. So what gives? I was really hoping that they would beat Chicago (and San Jose would beat the Ducks) so that the Flames would face the Canucks in the second round. Clearly, the Nucks would beat Calgary and that would be a very, very, hard pill for Flames fans to swallow.

For your viewing pleasure, here are a collection of videos related to the Calgary Shames: